How to get yourself out of a ticket.

What if I told you that you will never get a ticket again?
Not possible you say?
Can’t be done you say?
Well I say YOU just have a bad attitude, and you just aren’t looking at the big picture here.

Yes folks, today I am going to teach you how to never get a ticket again with my tried and true 100% fail proof formula of greatness.

Step one: Get pulled over by a police officer, thats the easy step.

Step two: When you give the kind police officer your information, inform him how your taxes pay his/her salary.
They will be very appreciative and may even thank you for the wonderful bonus they received last year.
Your response, of course, should be a resounding “Damn Right!!”

Step three: Scream “I’M SORRY!”, every time the police officer begins to speak.
Don’t be afraid to really scream it either, in fact I encourage it, put some feeling into it!
Remember, it’s your money on the line here!
For example:
Police officer: “License and registration”.
You: “I’M SORRY”

P.O: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
You: “I’M SORRY”

P.O: “Uhh, are you okay??”

Its just that easy my friends.

Step four: Stare lovingly into the officers eyes, smile and wet yourself.
This one is sort of tricky, you must memorize these steps.
It’s all about timing,
Smile THEN wet yourself.

Step five
: Cry.
Really really cry.
Start crying and talking about “how your mother always said this would happen”.
And just when the kind officer thinks the worst is over, Cry some more.
If you really want to go for the gold, call the officer a meanie, don’t be afraid to put your own personal spin on it.

And there you have it, at this point the police officer should be walking away from your car with a song in his heart and a spring in his step.
And you will be driving away ticket free, I guarantee this.

Or you could just stop driving like a jerk, you know who you are.

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