Good Morning.

Welcome to orientation.
My name is Principal Carter, and like the name suggests I will be your principal for the year.
Now lets see, where to start…

You in the back, sit down!

Ok, uhhh, right, Orientation. Well done, thank you Slippy. Everyone, thats Slippy, your Janitor, He..
Whats that Slippy? Oh, yes yes, “Custodial Engineer” Right how could I forget The 6 years of “Custodial Engineer” university that you did to earn that beautiful diploma you hang on your mop bucket. Oh sit down Slippy, You know I’m Joking.

Lets see, ok, umm, Classes.
I mean thats why you’re here right? Haha, Don’t want to end up like Slippy!! I kid.

So I see some new faces this year, and many familiar ones.Like Mr. Johnasberg over th–
Who’s phone is that? Come on! Out with it!!
Oh I see, sure, It was NOBODIES phone was it?
Well Mr. Nobody, If I hear that phone again I’m going to cram it so far down your throat I’ll have to stick my boot up your ass just to turn it off!!

You know Ms. Charleston we have a good looking group this year don’t we. Some fine young people here today, and it’s our job to prepare them for life outside of these hallowed halls.

Huh? Oh thats Ms. Charleston, the lunch lady, She owes me a favour. So if you cross me I’ll have her poison the lot of you!! Haha, Oh shut up Coach they know I’m joking. What?! Eat me coach, we all know why you had to take the job here anyway, and I sure as hell know that’s not really water in your bottle there.

So, orientation…orrrriiiiieeeentation.

Oh, over there is Mr. Kraus, your geography tea– BILLY!! BUTTON THAT FUCKING LIP!! Geography teacher, and next to him is Mrs. Miller, she’ll be your Sex Ed. teacher, who by the way, Is the LAST person I would’ve chosen for that job, but the goddamn schoolboard has taken away most of my hiring privileges these days, sooo..

Ok, next on the agenda…Ummm, lets see…You know what! Screw it! Half of you kids are going to end up working at McDonalds anyway, and the others are going to end up like Ol’ Slippy there, 78, Bald. recently busted for “Accidentaly” exposing himself to the preschool down the street.. Come on Slippy, you know we love you.

You there, in the front, whats your name? Chrissy is it? What? Cindy?? Knock off all that crying, I can’t understand you. Jesus, you figure you people would be able to take some criticism by now. I mean it’s not like you’re all perfect anyway. See Anderson over there? Yeah thats right, black shirt. Well him and Stevens next to him, yeah, chubby kid, well last year what did I find the two of you doing in the locker room Anderson?? Yeah, yeah, I didn’t believe it then and I don’t believe it now, That didn’t look like wrestling to me kid.

Don’t you say a word Mr. Sanchez, NOT.ONE.WORD.
We all know that smell, My brother is an ATF agent, So shut it.

Lets see…. Ok, You should all have your student fees paid by the end of next week, There will be a dance the first of next month, and a pep rally next tuesday.
GO COUGARS!!

Now Slippy is going to come around and pass out the school calendars, so while he does that Ms. Stevens the math teacher is going to say a few words.

But before she does I’d just like to say that if we all do our best we can make this the best fourth grade class yet!

GO COUGARS!!!!

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